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As a gay person, I grew up knowing I was different. Hearing other kids call anyone who deviated from traditional gender expectations a 鈥渇ag.鈥� Getting called a 鈥渓esbo鈥� at age 11. I hadn鈥檛 come out to anyone and didn鈥檛 even really understand what it meant, but I knew it was an insult.

At an early age, we learn that it鈥檚 at best different to be LGBT. And many of us are taught that this difference is bad 鈥� shameful, deviant, disgusting. We might try to hide it. We might wish it away. We learn that even if our family accepts us, there are some relatives who might not; we get asked to hide who we are so as not to make them uncomfortable.

This teaches shame.

We hear about LGBT people who have been physically attacked or even killed for being who they are.

This teaches fear.

While I know I grew up with privilege, and others have stories far worse than mine, I also believe that countless other LGBT people could tell stories like this 鈥� not the same, but all rooted in a legacy that made us feel ashamed of who we are. And yet I, like many of us, also learned pride and hope and found a community that loves me and makes me feel welcome.

Those experiences are part of why I care so much about the Masterpiece Cakeshop case. A decision in support of the bakery would open the door to sweeping discrimination. What鈥檚 at stake isn鈥檛 just whether we have the freedom to go about our daily lives and purchase the same things that others are able to buy. That鈥檚 part of it, but it鈥檚 not the whole picture.

We never leave those initial experiences of shame and discrimination behind completely. Our sexual orientation may or may not be readily visible to others. How we dress or how we act might identify us as gay but it might not, and it won鈥檛 in all circumstances.

Even with a girlfriend 鈥� even holding hands 鈥� people don鈥檛 always see a couple. I have to decide whether to come out or hide again and again 鈥� at the doctor鈥檚 office, at my child鈥檚 school, when talking about weekend plans with colleagues 鈥� because people usually assume heterosexuality. Gay people think about when to hold hands or kiss goodbye in public. Sometimes, it will be a matter of safety. The fact that straight couples don鈥檛 have to think about these questions is a reminder of difference. And every time I do come out, some part of me still wonders whether, in this moment, I鈥檒l find that my community has grown larger or if I鈥檒l face rejection 鈥� or worse.

The Colorado law that鈥檚 being challenged by the bakery in the Masterpiece Cakeshop case says that businesses that open their doors to the public can鈥檛 discriminate based on race, religion, sex, disability, gender identity, or sexual orientation. Laws like Colorado鈥檚 aim to make sure that when we walk through the doors of a store or hotel, we all have the same freedom to buy a cake, eat a meal, or rent a room. They say to LGBT people, 鈥測ou matter, and you shouldn鈥檛 be mistreated because you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.鈥�

This case isn鈥檛 about the cake. It鈥檚 about a legacy of discrimination and devaluation and a rejection of our shared humanity.

Through laws like Colorado鈥檚, we start to trust those assurances and feel more confident living our lives. But when a business owner says, 鈥淣o, we won鈥檛 serve you because you鈥檙e gay,鈥� all that humiliation resurfaces.

That鈥檚 why it鈥檚 inappropriate to tell us 鈥� as the and the do in this case 鈥� to just go to a different bakery. This isn鈥檛 just about the services. It鈥檚 about the harm that being turned away causes. It鈥檚 about how shame and fear prevent us from fully feeling safe and participating in public life. It鈥檚 about the pain of our children seeing us, and them, rejected, or the pain of our parents watching, unable to protect us. And it doesn鈥檛 matter if it鈥檚 just one store. Because once we are refused, every time we approach the door of a store, we wonder how we will be treated and are more likely to hide who we are. That comes at a steep cost.

The bakery is arguing to the Supreme Court justices that the Constitution protects their right to refuse to serve gay people, to tell people like me, like Dave and Charlie, and countless others that they object to our relationships and therefore refuse to serve us. But this case isn鈥檛 about the cake. It鈥檚 about a legacy of discrimination and devaluation and a rejection of our shared humanity.

And yet it鈥檚 also a case about hope, promise, and love. The hope that the court will recognize that all of us are worthy of respect and fair treatment. The promise that LGBT young people won鈥檛 live in fear and embarrassment as I did. And a mother鈥檚 , showing us why discrimination has no place in our Constitution.